and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
