So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
