Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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