I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
