Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
God I need to hump something, right now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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