I'm lost and stupid without you.
I need help removing her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
