..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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