its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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