why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
