we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
