I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We're too hungover to prance.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize