Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
