Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
