what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
