with your own penis?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
