their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
