Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
