If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
