Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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