Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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