Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
