Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
