I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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