The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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