I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
