Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
