yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
