you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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