I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
People with herpes should wear stickers.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I want her autograph on my taint
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
