i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
