he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
