My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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