My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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