just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
