Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
