I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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