i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
