I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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