dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize