I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
