hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
