this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
