Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
