I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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