Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize