GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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