John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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