I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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