What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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