is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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