He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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