He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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