It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
wow bdsm is so cute
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