So many bounce houses so little time
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
