so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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