Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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