before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
