I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
