Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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