The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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