i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
