why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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