My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
