is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
