i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
