Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
