I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize