I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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