I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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