So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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