exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
