Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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